No one loves a party more than my 80-year old mother.
She can pull together a celebration faster than anyone I know. Take my wedding. I called her to let my (now) husband and I had decided to tie the knot. She was over the moon. And then I added, “in two weeks”. Like Jack Bauer on a new assignment, she leaped into gear and came up with a plan. In record time, she had mobilized our close friends and family. She hosted a day of events that was the perfect celebration for us. It was extraordinary.
So when she turned 80 at the end of November, I wanted to return the favor. In “normal” times it would be hard enough to celebrate together given that I live 6,400 kilometers away. But with COVID, celebrating in person was not even an option. I realized that many of the people that she wanted to celebrate with are in the same boat as me. Even people living in the same city have put a hold on in-person parties indefinitely.
As a professional facilitator, I design and deliver online and in-person experiential events. They are usually meetings, conferences, and training. But this was a very different creative challenge. I wanted to organize a virtual 80th birthday party for my mom that would feel as special as having us there in person.
It’s time to brush up on your online party skills.
As soon as I had offered to organize the virtual celebration, I started to realize the challenge I had signed up for. My mom knows a lot of people. Her vast network of friends and family spawns many continents and generations. The invite list was going to be long and evolving. Many of the guests had never been on Zoom. Probability of people having technical issues joining the call? Very high. And I could already hear the protests from people scarred from too many hours in front of a screen, reeling from Zoom fatigue. “Noooo, not another online meeting!.”
I was not going to be deterred. With Priya Parker’s Art of Gathering as my guidebook, and Zoom as my platform, I set out to design an online birthday party that would truly honor my mother. And it worked. Family and friends told stories, shared memories, and birthday wishes. In some important ways, I liked it better than a lot of parties I have been to. It felt more intimate. Everyone participated. And there was no jet-lag.
Online celebrations are not the poor cousin of an in-person party. They don’t have to be thrown into the bin of what-we-are-doing-to-get-by in the pandemic. We now have a whole new understanding of how to host an online party. Even after COVID we won’t always be able to celebrate in person, so now is the time to brush up on your online party skills.
Here are 5 questions to ask yourself when planning your next online party.
1) What’s the purpose?
Every event has a unique purpose. Well it should have. The purpose of a birthday party may be obvious to you. But don’t assume it is. For my mom’s birthday, the purpose was pretty clear: to give her family and friends an opportunity to celebrate with her on her birthday. But that wasn’t it. It was also to get to know Joan even better than we knew her before the birthday celebration. That meant that storytelling was going to be a big part of the celebration. A new job? Graduation? Wedding? Depending on the type of celebration the purpose may be less or more clear. As the host, it’s your job to articulate the purpose of the celebration. The best way to do this is by writing it down. Then you can share the purpose with your guests right in the invitation.
2) What would make it really special?
Most of us know how to put some special touches on a celebration to make it feel special. Online is different. There are distractions. People zone out. You need to stretch your imagination to come up with ways to make it really special so that people stay engaged. I asked my mom what would make a celebration special for her. Her answer? People. I knew it was going to be important to get a complete guest list and to plan for a large group. I also know that she loves the arts and music. So I wove these elements into the celebration as a true reflection of the things that are important to my mom. To add an element of surprise, I invited my friend and gifted singer Kathy Ellwand to sing a song. It didn’t just feel like a celebration. It was an immersive experience.
3) Who’s in the group?
As every facilitator knows, every group is full of often untapped skills and talents. For my mom’s birthday, I had the benefit of knowing a lot of the guests personally. So identifying the resources in this group was fairly easy. Uncle Tim, the singer? Invite him to lead Happy Birthday. My mom’s oldest friend Judy? She told a story of what it was like to be friends with my mom when they were small kids. Our in-law Fred who has already turned 80, with a lot of experience in public speaking? He shared his humorous advice on successfully turning 80. In fact, there were so many skills it was impossible to include them all.
4) How can every person participate?
With a big group, it would be impossible for everyone to speak without the Zoom call turning into a day-long commitment. So what can you do to invite everyone to participate? Here’s what I did:
Instead of having everyone introduce themselves verbally, I asked guests to first introduce themselves in the chat. They shared their name, where they were calling in from, and how they knew Joan. That saved about 6 hours. We played a game of “Raise Your Hand If…”. In the game, you come up with a list of statements. You ask participants to raise their hand if the statement is true for them. “I have been on a crazy adventure with Joan.” All the hands went up, including mine.
Before the call, I invited the guests to participate in writing a “group poem”. Our friend and poet Jude came up with a metaphor that described my mom and a couple of lines that flowed from the metaphor to get a poem started. I send the guests a google link in the invitation, inviting them to contribute to the poem. Jude then read the group poem “Joan is a Cornucopia” on the Zoom call. When Jude read it, it was as if the poem had been written by one person. In fact it was way better.
5) What gift could you create from the event?
The benefit of thinking all of these questions through in advance is that you can plan on creating a unique gift that flows from the event. For my mom’s birthday, I will create a book with the memories, birthday wishes, and a copy of the group poem. It’s not absolutely necessary to create a gift. But it’s nice to produce something concrete from a party that only existed online. Think of it as the “icing on the cake”.
How do you design your online celebrations? I’d love to hear from you. Send me an email at gwyn@gwynwansbrough.com. Join me on my quest to learn more about how facilitation skills can transform your sessions, online and in person. Sign up for my monthly newsletter here:
Gwyn Wansbrough is a Creative Facilitator based in Barcelona, Spain. She works with people and organizations globally to create dynamic and empowering learning experiences. She writes about facilitation, creativity, and learning. Visit www.gwynwansbrough.com.
